Book after book and doctor after doctor will tell you
generally the same thing when it comes to breastfeeding. The ample nutrients
that it provides baby is important for their health and growth especially early
on, it can significantly reduce the risk of; SIDS, development of allergies,
obesity and can reduce stress levels in the mother which will decreasing her
chances of Post-Partum Depression.
What the books do not tell you is how difficult and challenging
it can be for some women to provide that form of nutrients for their baby. Not
only can it be physically challenging because of supply or latching issues it
can be mentally challenging because you are their only source of food,
therefore where baby goes you go and vice versa.
I went into my 3rd trimester convinced that I
would breastfeed no problem. It would be an amazing experience for me and E and
I would be able to provide her with that nutrients. Let me tell you from the
moment she was born it was the most difficult thing I have ever done, next to
giving birth to her. From the very first attempt at breastfeeding she had
latching issues. Her mouth was very tiny and she was very impatient. When she didn’t
get it right away she would have a meltdown, or as I like to call it, she would
RED ZONE. This made it very difficult for both of us. I wanted her to have more
patients and work with me a little bit and she wanted me to get the food in her
mouth THE FIRST TIME no questions asked.
Not being able to breastfeed in the hospital was tough, but
with a click of a button a nurse would be there to assist you and try and get
her latched. Also because she was sleeping so much they were not forcing it,
they just wanted ample opportunities throughout the day and night. And if she
RED ZONED then they would tell me to just focus on skin to skin contact and try
again in a while. When they discharged us the next day it became that much more
challenging. She still wouldn’t latch and because I thought from the beginning
I would breastfeed no problem we did not purchase a breast pump. After a long
night full of tears, anxiety and a hungry baby I started to feel like a failure
as a mother. I felt like this was something I should be able to do, and I
should be able to figure it out. But we just couldn’t seem to get there.
Throughout the week it progressively became more difficult.
On Friday when the midwife came to our house she told us that E was too far
below her birth weight and we had to start supplementing with formula to get
her weight back up. After the appointment was over and it was just the hubby
and I at home I broke down. You feel helpless and lost. I have to say that even
though my hubby couldn’t provide her with the food like I could, I can’t
imagine doing it without him. Just having him there in the middle of the night
while I am in tears and E is in tears because she is just as frustrated as I am
made all the difference in the world. Someone to tell you that you are a good
mother and that everything would work itself out.
After more trial and error we discovered the infamous nipple
shield. And it is exactly what it sounds like. A little silicon shield that
acts as a nipple over yours to help with latching. This helped for a little
while but in typical E fashion she began to red zone every time we fed and
stopped latching altogether. We finally got to the point where in order to get
her to eat I had to pump and we had to bottle feed her. On top of having latching issues I was having
supply issues which meant that when E was asleep I was pumping to have a bottle
for her next feed. And when she was awake I was feeding and pumping. It became
a 24 hour ordeal. After 2-3 weeks of this I was at my wits end. No sleep, no
patience and mentally exhausted in a way that I cannot even explain. After a
week of having to supplement with formula because my supply couldn’t keep up
with her, I finally decided that I was not going to pump all hours of the day
and night and I would continue to supplement with formula and give her what
breast milk I was able to pump.
You reach a point where the sanity of you and your child
needs to matter, and at the rate I was going post-partum depression was well on
its way if not already there. You cannot shake the feeling that you’re failing
as a mother and that no matter what, if it means you pump all day and night,
you SHOULD be giving your child breastmilk, but how many of us were raised on
formula…..and look how we turned out, just fine.
The bottom line is that if you are one of those women who are
able to breast feed exclusively and successfully, YOU GO GIRL. And if you have
the patience and perseverance to stick to it and eventually make it work, YOU
ROCK. But if it comes down to either giving your baby formula or turning into a
mother on the brink of a mental breakdown just to breast feed your baby, go
with the formula!!! Yes we would all love to breastfeed, ideally. But
unfortunately for many women it does not come easy and once in a while it does
not come at all and THAT IS OKAY! Know that no matter what you have to feed
your child you are an amazing mother and woman. And
whatever choice you make, it is the RIGHT choice for YOUR baby and nobody can
tell you differently.
Do not give up if it does not happen right away, try as many
different things as you can. Something that I did not do but I wish that I had was,
to attend a breastfeeding clinic or connect with my local lactation consultants
even before E was born. This is something I HIGHLY suggest you do either before
babes is born or right after. Knowing more before you bring your little miracle
into this world is better than knowing too little. Just know that in the end if it
does not work out the way you want, it is not the end of the world. It is the
end of breastmilk…. but it is also the beginning to a happier mommy and a
happier baby.
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